someone get that fucking seahorse.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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