Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
