are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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