what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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