I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
