My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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