He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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