very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
