I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I party with great urgency now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
