Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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