I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
