Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
