hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
