wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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