I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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