So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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