I think my fart just growled at me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
