The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
