I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
