Don't you send me to vm
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
