And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
