I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
