too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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