kristin has been a bad kristin
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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