i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
