I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
