Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize