Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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