What a fucking waste of an outfit
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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