Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
