i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
