i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize