so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
