Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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