Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize