I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
