i think my tv is drunk
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
