Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
