I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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