Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
