New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize