Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
