I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
