I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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