Welp...herpes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
