Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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