your thong is hanging out like whoa
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
