I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
