And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
