so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
