Got a toothbrush?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
