Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
