He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
