i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
