Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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