My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
