i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
