He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
