I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
