She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
