i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
