this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
