I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
