That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Your cock deserves a montage
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
