I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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