My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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