Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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