does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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