plz talk dirty to me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
