I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
