dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
