I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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