I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
