just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
