i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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