Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
