At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize